everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
