Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
