omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
