Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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