You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
