there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
