To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
