just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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