I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
