Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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