Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
