I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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