Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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