Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
