I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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