I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Ketchup is God's man juice
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
