he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
should my penis look like a turkey
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
