i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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