got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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