I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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