Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
