hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
