Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
