I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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