ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
