I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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