I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
