Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
