i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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