There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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