If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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