i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
