So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
