Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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