he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
