thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
