This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
