my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
