There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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