so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
