It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
