I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
