I'm eating all of the evidence.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
