Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
