I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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