If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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