goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
