Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
