Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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