Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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