I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
